


And we'll run for our lives (Louder, louder)

by violetspring



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 22:57:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5023813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetspring/pseuds/violetspring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you spend five nights in a row almost without any sleep you reach this point where during the day you are not totally sure if you are awake.</p><p>(The title is a verse from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLMyBBZmL2M">this</a> song)</p>
            </blockquote>





	And we'll run for our lives (Louder, louder)

He started to run after one specially bad week of almost not sleep.

Contrary to what it may seem, working for the SSR is more about paperwork and phonecalls than anything else. Too many desk hours. Too little physical effort.

Most of the days, he is mentally exhausted after his shift is done, yes, but that it’s not good enough. When his body hit the bed the thoughts start coming and _it is so hard to shut the ghosts_. 

Alcohol helps.

-

That week was specially quiet for the SSR and he couldn’t offer himself to do any extra-shifts. He didn’t have any excuse to stay longer. He didn’t have any work-related thing to worry about. He was on his own. And he was not sleeping.

And when you spend five nights in a row almost without any sleep you reach this point where during the day you are not totally sure if you are awake. And at nights, sometimes you are not even sure if you are trying to fall asleep or you are actually sleeping but waking up time to time to think about how you are not sleeping. The second sceneario if worse because you are getting some sleep but you are never sure about it and it drives you crazy. 

The sixth day you are not even sure if you are still alive. Or this is all a really long really bad nightmare.

-

That night, the sixth, he decided to take a long walk before having to confront his bed again. He had so much anxiety at this point that his body was practically screaming. He needed to sleep, yes, but before he needed to relax.

The cold weather was making him feel good so he started to walk faster and faster and faster and, then, suddenly he was running. He ran against the cold wind until his chest began to hurt and, then, ran and ran again until every part of his body ached. It was great. 

The physical pain. Every sore muscle. The cold in his face and the lack of oxygen in his lungs. I was all great. 

The run, and the shower after, worked like morphine on him. He slept the whole night without nighmares. 

It was so good. 

An actual restful night. 

So, now, he keeps running. 

He runs against the wind, against his memories, against the white flag, against the smell of blood and gunpower. Against and forward. Until his legs are shaking. Until every single part of his body hurts more than his memories. Until everything goes blind.

**Author's Note:**

> A little something I wrote on tumblr a while ago ([x](http://ranavioleta.tumblr.com/post/125040886595/omfg-your-headcanon-that-jack-runs-to-help-him))


End file.
